Today it was brought to my attention that there’s a simple, yet comprehensive test related to film studies. It’s called the Bechdel test, and the three simple rules are:

• You do not talk about the Bechdel test
• You do not talk about the Bechdel test
• If it’s your first night at film school, you have to fight

These aren’t the exact rules. In fact these are the rules related to when a man (for example, me) brings up how much bullshit is associated with the actual rules. The actual rules are:

• A film must include two women (at least)
• These two women have to talk to each other
• The conversation has to be about something other than men

These rules seem easy to follow, and should be easy to find a film that follow these rules. However, think about it… there are very few films I can think of that follow these rules.

The rules aren’t meant to be feministic or anti-men, either. They’re simply a barometer for how half of the worlds population are treated by one of the most popular forms of entertainment in the modern era.

Alien passes this test, as does Aliens (or Alien 2, for the retards). This is a good example. It features a strong female lead, and even other women… some of which converse with Ripley about something that isn’t a man! Amazing. But apply these same rules to The Stepford Wives and it still passes. While Stepford tries to be social commentary, I watched it and thought it was grossly anti-women and clearly written by a man with an attitude problem. Boys Don’t Cry passes too. I don’t think I need to go into why this is a ridiculous example of why this is a highlight for the test.

Apply this same rule to games and, even though I can find plenty of games with strong female characters, often they don’t have other females to talk to about anything other than men. Uncharted… for example. There are incredibly strong women but I’m not sure if they talk together about much else other than Nathan Drake. I don’t actually remember if Lara Croft had female friends, too.

What does this say?

Well, women will tell you that it says that women are grossly under-represented in film. I would agree. But anything after that sentence will lead anyone to believe that all women are crazy, politically minded, feminist anarchists who hate men and anything men do.

I disagree with that last bit and think that it shows one thing and one thing only: not that women are grossly under-represented in film, but that men are the main source of entertainment in the world. Men write and direct more films than women. I think with game developers, if a woman walks into a developer office she’ll light up in a ball of flames like a satanist in a church.
(my girlfriend told me to note here that I mean that I doubt women work in game development studios)

What’s the problem? And what’s the solution?

The problem is that the film industry is like banks. It’s run by bottom-feeding pieces of dirt who favour nepotism over talent. There are millions, literally millions, of talented women who belong at the upper-echelons of entertainment. Particularly at the writing and idea side of things. I’m sure they would write strong female characters that talk about things other than men easily as long as they didn’t feel inhibited by the rules of film.

The fact is men don’t even notice when two woman are in a film. Not in a negative way. In fact, I think in a positive way. If there were 15 women in a film it would be fine as long as it doesn’t scream “I’M A WOMAN, HEAR ME TALK ABOUT THINGS THAT AREN’T MEN”… The film industry plays to rules that don’t matter to most people. Women are only out of place in gay porn and Batman (largely the same thing) and that’s fine, men are out of place in clothes shops and decent restaurants.

The solution? Same as my solution for banks. Dissolve them. Not the institutions, the people who run them… in baths of acid. Then start again with young, modern, crazy, new age thinkers. It’s those young, crazy, new-age thinkers that brought the technological revolution we’re enjoying today. Why not the entertainment revolution? It needs a kick in the ass anyway. The fact that some gimp decided that a comic book-to-film adaptation of The Green Lantern was a good idea is a prime example of why we need to be stocking up on human-dissolving acid already…

I’m not talking about quotas, that’s more anti-women than anything else. I’m just saying that on the face of it the bechdel test stinks of feminism, and that drives men away from an idea. Ideas drive men towards ideas. Old fucks who sign off on The Green Lantern stink anyway, which is a clear sign that women aren’t under-represented in film as much as they’re just not given a shot at showing talent in an equal auditorium.